New Year Humour - Jokes and Funny Pictures
This page is a mini sitemap for Will and Guy's New Year Humour. Enjoy our jokes, riddles and funny New Year pictures.
New Year Humour - Topics
A Bad Dream?
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight , as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.
New Year's Day Party - That Never Was?
As in many homes on New Year's Day, Janet and Jim, a happily married couple, faced the annual conflict of which was more important: the football match on television, or the lunch itself.
Hoping to keep the peace Jim ate lunch with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-lunch chat before retiring to the lounge to turn on the television.
Some minutes later, Janet looked in to see how he was and graciously even bought a cold beer for Jim. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Jim told her it was half time and that the score was still 0-0.
'See?' Janet said happily, 'You didn't miss a thing.' See more New Year jokes
The custom of the Mari Lwyd (Grey Mare) is unique to Wales. What happened on or around New Year's Eve was this, a group of friends would dress up in costume with the star attraction being a real horse's head. What distinguishes the Mari Lwyd celebrations from other types of New Year merriment is that the revellers challenge house-holders to a singing contest in Welsh. In a nutshell the Mari Lwyd tradition is wassail singing par excellence, with mummer animal head costumes, coupled with trick-or-treat menace. See more about the Mari Lwyd
Maeshowe Orkney Isles (Scotland) Cairn built 5,500 years ago
At the winter solstice, the sun is so low in the Orkney islands that it's rays light up the back wall of the cairn. This only happens once a year on the shortest day - weather permitting. It's fascinating to think how our ancestors not only calculated what would happen, but had the time and patience to construct the aperture.
New Year - Key Questions
How to tell that you have entered a new year:
'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese And the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, please.'
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt - I said to myself, as I only can 'You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!'
So - away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie - not even a lick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
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