When you consider Christmas, there are four stages in your life:-
1) You believe in Santa
2) You don't
believe in Santa
3) You are Santa
4) You look like Santa
Christmas Warnings
23 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
39 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.
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Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and an Honest Lawyer
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of
course, the other three are mythological creatures.
Santa Claus' sledge broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, 'Can you help me fix my sledge, please?'
'Sorry,' the motorist replied, 'I'm not a mechanic - I'm a
podiatrist.'
'In that case,' retorted Santa, 'Can you give me a tow?'..........[toe]
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Xmas Humour - Cracker Riddle
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.
Q. What's
Christmas called in England? A. Yule Britannia! (English Christmas Humour!)
School Nativity - Urban Myth
The boy who was playing the Inn Keeper was fed up of his insignificant role, so when Joseph knocked and asked if there was any room in the inn. Instead of saying 'No'
as he was
supposed to, the young prima donna said, 'Come in Joseph and Mary, there is plenty of room in my inn.'
One day in early September the chief of a Native American tribe was
asked by his tribal elders if the winter of 2009/10 was going to be cold
or mild. The chief asked his medicine man, but he too had lost
touch with the reading signs from the natural world around the Great
Lakes.
In truth, neither of them had idea about how to predict the coming
winter. However, the chief decided to take a modern approach, and
the chief rang the National Weather Service in Gaylord Michigan.
'Yes, it is going to be a cold winter,' the meteorological officer
told the chief. Consequently, he went back to his tribe and told
the men to collect plenty of firewood.
A fortnight later the chief called the Weather Service and asked for
an update. 'Are you still forecasting a cold winter?' he asked.
'Yes, very cold', the weather officer told him.
As a result of this brief conversation the chief went back to the
tribe and told his people to collect every bit of wood they could find.
A month later the chief called the National Weather Service once more
and asked about the coming winter. 'Yes,' he was told, 'it is going to
be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.
The weatherman replied: 'Because the Native Americans of the Great
Lakes are collecting wood like crazy.'
Pastor Tony is walking down the street on Christmas eve when he
notices a Larry, a small boy, trying to press the doorbell of a
house across the street. However, Larry is very small and the
doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's
efforts for some time, Pastor Tony moves closer to Larry's position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow
and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and
gives the doorbell a solid ring.
Crouching down to Larry's level, Pastor Tony smiles benevolently
and asks, 'And now what, my little man?'
To which Larry replies with a beaming grin, 'Now we run!'
Christmas 1940 - A Christmas Under German Blitz
Following the phoney war of 1939, Britain suffered directly and indirectly
from German bombing. Most seriously over 24,000 innocent civilians had
been killed in the Blitz not only in London but also in Coventry
Manchester and Liverpool.
Christmas trees were not a high priority for townspeople because they
spent so much time in their air-raid shelters, which were too cramped for
a modern sized Christmas tree.
Effects of Rationing For a typical war time
Christmas we would consider the typical Christmas fayre a joke, except it
was not funny in 1940 due to rationing. For example a family's meat
ration would not cover a small chicken. Country people had it
better, provided they planned ahead and reared their own chicken, or
failing that a rabbit or two. One reason that those who survived the
war were so healthy was thank to 'dig for victory' whereby people planted
every available space with healthy vegetables.
The government also gave extra sugar rations for the Women's Institutes
to convert autumn fruits into jams and other preserves. As for all
those goodies that Britain now imports from Europe, French cheese, Spanish
wine - forget it - the German U-Boat blockade in 1940 meant no luxuries.
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