Funny Christmas Pictures, Jokes, Videos and Stories

Christmas Humour - Funny Images, Jokes, Videos and Stories

This page is a mini sitemap for Will and Guy's Christmas Humour.  Enjoy our jokes, riddles, videos and funny Christmas pictures for the festive season.

Christmas Humour - TopicsFunny Christmas Pictures

Funny Christmas Pictures

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Funny Christmas JokesFunny Christmas Images

'Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a Christmas bell.'
'Take these pills and if they don't work, give me a ring.'

Funny Christmas Videos and PowerPoint PresentationsChristmas tree lights - outside

Funny Christmas Stories

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten, and his present remembered.

Religious Christmas

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Stages of Christmas

When you consider Christmas, there are four stages in your life:-

1)  You believe in SantaChristmas cat
2)  You don't believe in Santa
3)  You are Santa
4)  You look like Santa

Christmas Warnings

23 people have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

39 people have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and an Honest Lawyer

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

Another Funny Christmas Picture - Santa Claus Sledge Needs a TowFunny Christmas Snow Scenes

Santa Claus' sledge broke down on Christmas Eve. He flagged down a passing motorist and asked, 'Can you help me fix my sledge, please?'

'Sorry,' the motorist replied, 'I'm not a mechanic - I'm a podiatrist.'

'In that case,' retorted Santa, 'Can you give me a tow?'..........[toe]

Xmas Humour - Cracker Riddle

What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.

Q. What's Christmas called in England?
A. Yule Britannia! (English Christmas Humour!)

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School Nativity - Urban Myth

The boy who was playing the Inn Keeper was fed up of his insignificant role, so when Joseph knocked and asked if there was any room in the inn.  Instead of saying 'No' as he was supposed to, the young prima donna said, 'Come in Joseph and Mary, there is plenty of room in my inn.'

How They Forecast a Cold Winter

One day in early September the chief of a Native American tribe was asked by his tribal elders if the winter of 2010/11 was going to be cold or mild.  The chief asked his medicine man, but he too had lost touch with the reading signs from the natural world around the Great Lakes.

In truth, neither of them had idea about how to predict the coming winter.  However, the chief decided to take a modern approach, and the chief rang the National Weather Service in Gaylord Michigan.How Indian Chief Forecast a Cold Winter

'Yes, it is going to be a cold winter,' the meteorological officer told the chief.  Consequently, he went back to his tribe and told the men to collect plenty of firewood.

A fortnight later the chief called the Weather Service and asked for an update. 'Are you still forecasting a cold winter?' he asked.

'Yes, very cold', the weather officer told him.

As a result of this brief conversation the chief went back to the tribe and told his people to collect every bit of wood they could find.

A month later the chief called the National Weather Service once more and asked about the coming winter. 'Yes,' he was told, 'it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'

'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied: 'Because the Native Americans of the Great Lakes are collecting wood like crazy.' 

See more of our Christmas Humour stories

Bambi Meets Snowman

Funny Christmas Snowman

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Don't Try This at Home!

Pastor Tony is walking down the street on Christmas eve when he notices a Larry, a small boy, trying to press the doorbell of a house across the street.  However, Larry is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, Pastor Tony moves closer to Larry's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to Larry's level, Pastor Tony smiles benevolently and asks, 'And now what, my little man?'

To which Larry replies with a beaming grin,
'Now we run!'

Christmas Videos

Christmas tree lights - outside

See our collection of Christmas lights videos

Bygone Christmases - 1940

Christmas 1940 - A Christmas Under German Blitz
Following the phoney war of 1939, Britain suffered directly and indirectly from German bombing. Most seriously over 24,000 innocent civilians had been killed in the Blitz not only in London but also in Coventry Manchester and Liverpool.

Christmas trees were not a high priority for townspeople because they spent so much time in their air-raid shelters, which were too cramped for a modern sized Christmas tree.

Effects of Rationing
For a typical war time Christmas we would consider the typical Christmas fayre a joke, except it was not funny in 1940 due to rationing.  For example a family's meat ration would not cover a small chicken.  Country people had it better, provided they planned ahead and reared their own chicken, or failing that a rabbit or two.  One reason that those who survived the war were so healthy was thank to 'dig for victory' whereby people planted every available space with healthy vegetables.

The government also gave extra sugar rations for the Women's Institutes to convert autumn fruits into jams and other preserves.  As for all those goodies that Britain now imports from Europe, French cheese, Spanish wine - forget it - the German U-Boat blockade in 1940 meant no luxuries.

See more about Christmas 1940 here.

How to Say "Merry Christmas" in 75 Other Languages

Language Merry Christmas
Afrikaans Gesëende Kersfees
Albanian Gezur Krislinjden
Arabic Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Argentine Feliz Navidad
Armenian Shenoraavor Nor Dari yev Pari Gaghand
Basque Zorionak eta Urte Berri On!
Bengali Shuvo Naba Barsha
Bohemian Vesele Vanoce
Brazilian Boas Festas e Feliz Ano Novo
Breton Nedeleg laouen na bloavezh mat
Bulgarian Tchestita Koleda; Tchestito Rojdestvo Hristovo
Catalan Bon Nadal i un Bon Any Nou!
Chile Feliz Navidad
Chinese (Cantonese) Gun Tso Sun Tan'Gung Haw Sun
Chinese (Mandarin) Kung His Hsin Nien bing Chu Shen Tan 
Cornish Nadelik looan na looan blethen noweth
Corsian Pace e salute
Croatian Sretan Bozic
Czech Prejeme Vam Vesele Vanoce a stastny Novy Rok
Danish Glædelig Jul
Dutch Vrolijk Kerstfeest en een Gelukkig Nieuwjaar!
English Merry Christmas
Eskimo (inupik) Jutdlime pivdluarit ukiortame pivdluaritlo!
Esperanto Gajan Kristnaskon
Estonian Ruumsaid juulup|hi
Finnish Hyvaa joulua
Flemish Zalig Kerstfeest en Gelukkig nieuw jaar
French Joyeux Noel
Frisian Noflike Krystdagen en in protte Lok en Seine yn it Nije Jier!
Gaelic Nollaig chridheil agus Bliadhna mhath ùr! 
German Froehliche Weihnachten
Greek Kala Christouyenna!
Hawaiian Mele Kalikimaka
Hebrew Mo'adim Lesimkha. Chena tova
Hindi Shub Naya Baras
Hawaiian Mele Kalikimaka ame Hauoli Makahiki Hou!
Hungarian Kellemes Karacsonyi unnepeket
Icelandic Gledileg Jol
Indonesian Selamat Hari Natal
Iraqi Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish Nollaig Shona Dhuit, or Nodlaig mhaith chugnat
Italian Buone Feste Natalizie
Japanese Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Korean Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Latin Natale hilare et Annum Faustum!
Latvian Prieci'gus Ziemsve'tkus un Laimi'gu Jauno Gadu!
Lithuanian Linksmu Kaledu
Maltese LL Milied Lt-tajjeb
Manx Nollick ghennal as blein vie noa
Maori Meri Kirihimete
Norwegian God Jul, or Gledelig Jul
Papua New Guinea Bikpela hamamas blong dispela Krismas na Nupela yia i go long yu
Peru Feliz Navidad y un Venturoso
Philippines Maligayan Pasko!
Polish Wesolych Swiat Bozego Narodzenia or Boze Narodzenie
Portuguese Feliz Natal
Romanian Sarbatori fericite & La multi ani
Russian S RazhdеstvOm!
(New Year S Novim Godom!)
Samoan La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Serbian Hristos se rodi
Slovakian Sretan Bozic or Vesele vianoce
Samoan La Maunia Le Kilisimasi Ma Le Tausaga Fou
Scots Gaelic Nollaig chridheil huibh
Serbian Hristos se rodi. 
Slovak Vesele Vianoce. A stastlivy Novy Rok
Spanish Feliz Navidad
Swedish God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt Ã...r
Thai Sawadee Pee Mai
Tongan Mele Kalisimasi
Turkish Noeliniz Ve Yeni Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian Христос Родився (Hrustos Roduvsya)
Urdu Naya Saal Mubarak Ho
Vietnamese Chung Mung Giang Sinh
Welsh Nadolig Llawen
Yugoslavian Cestitamo Bozic
Will and Guy Funny Merry Christmas

See our Christmas jokes »

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