Funny Religious Christmas Jokes

Funny Christmas Relgious JokesFunny Religious Christmas Jokes

For Christians, the birth of Jesus Christ has a deep spiritual significance, but that does not mean to say that worshipers cannot enjoy a good clean joke at Christmas.

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Un-Holy Christmas Tale From the Inn At BethlehemSchool Nativity Joke - Christian Joke

Did you hear about the St Michael's Primary School nativity play?
Two children are dressed as Mary and Joseph, and they are on their way to the inn at Bethlehem.

Meanwhile on the other side of the stage, a lad in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile phone.  He is calling the inn to make a reservation.

Another Christmas Nativity Joke

Place:  The Middle School nativity play. 
Scene: The Inn at Bethlehem on Christmas Eve.

Joseph: Do you have any room at the inn?
Inn Keeper: (Over-playing his role)  Yes, plenty, come on in.

Joseph: [Jaw drops, speechless]

Footnote:
In the nativity play, the inn keeper is supposed to say 'There is no room in the inn', and this is how the baby Jesus came to be born in a stable.

Father John and His Young Parishioner

It was the Sunday after Christmas at St Peter and Saint Paul's Church in Borden, Kent, England.  Father John was looking at the nativity scene prior to packing away the figures when he noticed the baby Jesus was missing from the scene.

Immediately, Father John turned towards the vicarage in order to call the police. But as he was about to do so, he saw little Harry with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.

Father John walked up to Harry and said, 'Well, Harry, where did you get the little infant?'

Harry replied honestly, 'I took him from the church, Father John.'

'And why did you take him?'

With a sheepish smile, Harry said, 'Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to little Lord Jesus. I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give him a ride around the block in it.'

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Footnote:
This funny religious joke is an ideal yarn to spin at any Christmas party.

Funny Religious Jokes from Christmas Crackers

  • Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? 
    Samson because he brought the house down.
  • Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!
  • The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
  • Tonight's sermon: 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to our carol practice.
  • Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?  
    When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court.

Remember the Christmas cleaning of the Parish Hall this Saturday

We need lots volunteers to join the work crew.  There is a long list of items to be cleaned.  The widows will need extra attention.

A Tree for Christmas Happy Hanukkah

Admiring the Christmas trees displayed in his neighbour's windows, Nathan asks his father, 'Daddy, can we have a Hanukkah Tree?'

'What? No, of course not.' says his father.

'Why not?' asks Nathan again.

Bewildered, his father replies, 'Well, Nathan, because the last time we had dealings with a lighted bush we spent 40 years in the wilderness.'

See more Hanukkah jokes.

More Religious Christmas Jokes

Remarkable ServiceFunny Christmas Religious Jokes

Young Eddie was spending Christmas with his grand parents.  On Christmas morning the family went to church.  While they were waiting to go in Eddie checked all the announcements, and pictures along the walls.  When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby verger, 'Who are all those men in the pictures?'

The verger replied, 'Why, those are our boys who died in the service'.

Dumbfounded, the Jonathan asked, 'Was that the carol service or the Christmas Day service?'

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Out Of The Mouths.... Special Prayer

Just after Christmas Father Michael, was walking along the pavement in front of his church when he heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old son, Rory, and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and some cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. 

Rory, the minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said, 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.'

Charity Begins at Christmas

After the Advent church service, eight year old Lee said to the preacher: 'When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money.'

'Well, thank you, 'the preacher replied, 'but why?'

'Because my father says that you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had.'

Christmas Evangelist

A man says to evangelist lady who is preaching in the street just before Christmas:
"I know what YOU are! You're a 'happy clapper'".

"Oh no I'm not!" she said. "I'm a Walkie Talkie!"

Spot the Fool?Funny Christmas Religious Jokes

Father George was opening his Christmas cards one December morning.  Out of one the cards came a single sheet of paper on it was written only one word: 'Fool'. The following Sunday, in church, Father George announced to the assembled congregation, 'I have known many people who have written notes to me and forgotten to sign their names.

But this week I received a note from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter.'

Check out Kwanzaa, the fastest growing festival.

A Miracle?

Father O'Malley was driving down to Boston on Christmas Eve when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'

'Only water', replied Father O'Malley.

The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'

The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, 'What is this, a joke?'

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Vicar and His SonChurch Salvation

Andrew was watching his father, a Vicar, write a sermon for the Christmas service.

'How do you know what to say?' Andrew asked. 'Why, God tells me', the father replied. 'Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?'

Board Meeting

'There will be a meeting of the Board immediately after the Christmas service,' announced Reverend Morris.

After the close of the service, the group gathered at the back of church for the announced meeting.  However, this Christmas there was a stranger in their midst. He was a visitor who had never attended their church before.

'My friend,' asked Reverend Morris, 'did you understand that this is a meeting of the Board?'

'Oh, yes,' came the rejoinder from the visitor, 'and after that sermon, I'm about as bored as you can get.'

Religious Education

  • The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked 'Am I my brother's son?'
  • When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the 'Magna Carta'.
  • One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan
  • Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines
  • Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony 
  • Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.
  • In my maths class I told the kids that we were going to investigate Even and Odd.  One boy blurted out, 'I know that Bible story!'  When I stopped laughing I said, 'I think you mean Adam and Eve.'

If College Students Wrote the Bible

The Bible was written centuries ago by the Apostles. But what if it was written by college students? Most likely it would be a lot different. Here's what it might look like if College Students Wrote the Bible:

  • The 'Blood of Christ' would be switched from red wine to beer in a keg.
  • The Last Supper would have cold leftovers for the next morning.
  • The Ten Commandments would be only five, double-spaced, and written in large font.
  • A New edition would be written every two years in order to limit reselling.
  • The Forbidden Fruit would have been eaten not because it was forbidden but because it wasn't dorm food.
  • Paul's Letter to the Romans would be Paul's E-Mail addressed to abuse@romans.gov.
  • The reason Cain killed Abel would be because they were roommates.
  • The place where the end of the world occurs would be Finals, not Armageddon.
  • Instead of mules, the preferred mode of transportation would be mountain bikes.
  • The reason why Moses and his followers walked in the desert for 40 years would be because they didn't want to ask directions and look like Freshmen.
  • The Tower of Babel would be blamed for the Foreign Language requirement.
  • Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
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The Meaning of '12 Days of Christmas'

There is one particular Christmas Carol that has always baffled Will and Guy. What in the world do leaping lords, French hens, swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?

We would like to thank a site reader, who emailed us, to let us know the real meaning behind this carol.

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics. It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church. Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality which the children could remember.12 Days of Christmas Carol

  1. The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
  2. Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
  3. Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
  4. The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
  5. The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
  6. The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
  7. Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit: Prophesy, Serving, Teaching, Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
  8. The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
  9. Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
  10. The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
  11. The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
  12. The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.

So there is your history for today.

This knowledge was shared with us and we found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas Carol, so pass it on if you wish.

One More Funny Religious Christmas Joke

Father O'Malley and the Clever Christmas Beggars

It's just before Christmas and two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Ireland.  One is holding a cross and the other a Star of David there is a steady stream of shoppers.  Father O'Malley, the priest observes that both are holding hats to collect contributions.  People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money into the hat of the man with the cross.  Soon, the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

Father O'Malley, having watched for a while, approaches the beggars. He says to the man with the Star of David, 'Don't you realize that this is a Catholic country?  You'll never get any contributions holding a Star of David.'

The man turns to the one with the cross and says, 'Moishe, can you imagine, this goy is trying to tell us how to run our business?'

A Reminder of the Real Christmas Story

It all started with the Angel Gabriel just over 2000 years ago. The Angel Gabriel proclaimed that Mary would have a very special baby and that the newborn would called Jesus.

If we move forward to Bethlehem, Mary and her husband Joseph, went to town to pay their taxes. Unfortunately, there was nowhere for them to stay, so they took shelter in a stable.  There in Bethlehem, in a manger, the baby Jesus was born.Jesus in Manger. Wise men bring first Christmas gifts

A bright star in the East guided wise men to the stable.  They brought with them gifts Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh. This informal ceremony has extended to the celebration of Christmas as we know it today.

Angels on the Christmas Tree

The fairy at the top of the Christmas tree was originally a little figure of the baby Jesus.  In late seventeenth century Germany this became a shining angel. In Victorian Britain, little girls would take the angel down after Christmas and dress him in dolls' clothes. Eventually the angel turned into a thoroughly female fairy, complete with wand. The transformation was boosted by the pantomimes that became popular in the Victorian era - and, naturally, included a good fairy in the cast. Making Angels at Christmas

Cherubs hung on trees, represent the angels who heralded the birth of Christ. This particular example (right) was found in Canterbury Cathedral, Kent, England.

The star, which forms one of the most important ornaments of the Christmas tree, indicates the guiding star which led the shepherds and the magi to the new born Jesus Christ in the stable in Bethlehem.

Stars have knocked angels off the top of the nation's Christmas trees. Will and Guy have heard that demand has fallen so much that some street retailers have dropped angel tree toppers from shops this year. A decade ago angels were still outselling star tree toppers but now stars outsell angels more than 10-fold.

See more Christmas angel stories.

Egg Sculpture of Bethlehem

Egg sculpture of Bethlehem

 

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