A multi-national company held a reception to celebrate Christmas.
The waiter gave each
guest a glass of champagne, but on inspection, each guest
noticed that their glass contained a fly.
The Swede asked for new champagne in the same glass.
demanded to have new champagne in a new glass.
The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the champagne.
The Russian drank the champagne, fly and all.
The Chinese ate the fly but left the champagne.
The Israeli caught the fly and
sold it to the Chinese.
The Italian drank two thirds of the champagne and then demanded to
have a new glass.
The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.
The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the champagne, which he then
donated to the Englishman
The American sued the restaurant and claimed
for a $50 million compensation.
The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the
throat and shouted, 'Now spit out all that you swallowed.'
Jennifer was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas
she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of
the many types of tinsel she would buy. Finally, she made her choice
and asked the spotty youth who was manning the fabric section. 'How
much is this gold tinsel garland'.
The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and
said, 'This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre'.
'Wow, that's great', said Jennifer, 'I'll take 12 metres'.
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the boy
measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and gave it to Jennifer.
She then called to an old man who had been browsing through the Christmas
trees and said, 'My Grandpa will settle the bill.'
Funniest Christmas Label Seen This Year
On the bottom of a Tesco's Christmas Tiramisu dessert 'Do not turn
upside down' [........... woops, too late!]
French Parents Seek Ban on Father Christmas Advert
French parents have sought to ban a television commercial in which a
father tells his adult son that Father Christmas does not exist, claiming it
has traumatised their children Will and Guy have discovered.
20-second clip was aired last week during a commercial break on TF1, which
was broadcasting the family film, "Ratatouille".
'Son, I've got some bad news for you,' says the father in the advert for
Crédit Mutuel, a high street bank. 'Father Christmas doesn't exist,' he
says, making a parallel with financial advisers whose prime motivation for
selling products, he claims, is their commission.
Daniel aged 4, returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on the Christmas story.
He had learned all about the wise men from the east who brought gifts to the baby Jesus.
Daniel was so excited he just had to tell his parents, 'I learned in Sunday School today all about the very first Christmas. There wasn't
a Santa Claus way back then, so these three blokes
on camels had to deliver all the toys. And Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't
there yet, so they had to have this big light in the sky to find their way
More Funny Christmas Riddles
What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire
is ablaze? Crisp Kringle.
Why does rain drop, but snow fall? (Nobody can answer this
What do you call people who are frightened of Santa? Will's
Answer: Claustraphopic. (Guy's answer:
Sterling silver charms to bring good fortune. Notice
on the back: 'Potential choking hazard: do not use with food'.
What do you get if you team Santa with a detective? Santa
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the
ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has No L (Noel).
Will and Guy Suspect British Law is Crackers. The 1875
Explosives Act, currently in force in the UK, apparently considers
Christmas crackers to be covered by this archaic law. This means
that an 'explosive' cracker cannot be sold to minors.
This law was shown up to be so stupid when 22 year old student,
Heather Walsh, attempted to buy a box of 10, for Christmas Day in her
local Marks and Spencer's in York, England. Asked if she was over 16
years old Miss Walsh, who has an University degree was told the
'crackers were classed as explosives', Will and Guy have learned. She
was told by staff that they were 'protecting me by not selling me them
and they suggested that if I was left alone with the crackers I couldn't
be trusted and might blow myself up.'
You couldn't make it up, and we think that this law is definitely
Why doesn't Santa suffer from claustrophobia when climbs down the
chimney? Because has had his flue jab.
What did Cinderella say when the chemist lost her photographs?
Someday my prints will come. (Prince)
What do you get from a pampered cow?
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
This will sleigh you.
What do lions sing at Christmas?
What does it mean when the flag is at half-mast at the post office?
What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24th? 'It's
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little wine.
Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder.
The barmaid looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it.
'Tiny', answers Mike. 'Why's
that?' enquires the barmaid. 'Because he's my newt' concludes Mike. (Will had to explain this riddle to me. My newt - minute)
Samantha decided to go carol singing on Christmas Eve. She knocked on the door of a house and began to sing.
A man, holding a clarinet, opened the door to the house. In a few seconds tears were
streaming down his face.
Samantha continued singing for at least a further 20 minutes. She sang every carol she knew. At last she stopped. 'I understand,' she said softly. 'You are remembering your
happy childhood Christmas days. You really are extremely sentimental.'
Choking back the tears the man answered between sobs, 'No..........I'm a musician.'