Church notice: This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs Cusworth to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
One Easter a priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
'Oh my word, thank you,' said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,' said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'
'Yes, that's true.' St Peter rejoined, 'But during your Easter sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'
More Sermon Jokes For Easter
It's funny how one sermon joke reminds you of another.
One Easter Sunday the Reverend Jones announced to his congregation,
'My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons......
Now, we'll take the collection and see which one I'll deliver.'
Andrew was watching his father, a Vicar, write a sermon for the Easter service.
'How do you
know what to say?'
'Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?'
A man says to evangelist lady who is preaching in the street during
"Oh no I'm not!" she said. "I'm a Walkie Talkie!"
Maria came home from Sunday School on Palm Sunday and told her mother that she had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly.
It took her mother a while before she realised that the hymn Maria had been singing was really: "Gladly The Cross I'd Bear."
A New Twist on Lot's tale
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.'
His son asked, 'What happened to the flea?'
Marty, a little boy, was in church one Easter Sunday with his mother Doris, when he started feeling sick.
'Mummy,' he inquired, 'can we leave now?'
'Well, I think I'm about to throw up.' Marty announced.
After about sixty seconds, Marty returned to his pew, alongside his mother.
'Did you throw up?' Marty's Mum asked quietly.
'How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?' Doris demanded.
'I didn't have to go out of the church, Mummy. They have a box next to the front door that says, "For the Sick".'
Young Ernie and his family were invited to have Easter Sunday lunch at his grandmother's house in Monkey's Eyebrow, Arizona. USA. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Ernie received his plate he started eating straight away.
'Ernie, wait until we say grace,' demanded his father.
'I don't have to,' the five year old replied.
'Of course you do, Ernest,' his mother insisted rather forcefully. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.'
'That's at our house,' Ernie explained, 'but this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook.'
The neighbor of a four-year-old child was an elderly gentleman, who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old Gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy just said, 'Nothing, I just Helped him cry.'
Quotes Suitable for Grace on Easter Sunday
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