Funny Mother in Law Jokes

Funny Mother in Law Jokes Mother in law jokes

Behind every successful man stands a devoted wife, and a surprised mother-in-law.

Funny Mother in Law Jokes

 Sponsored Links
 ∇

Funny, Witty, Clean Mother-in law One-liners

  • Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
    Two Mothers-in-law.
  • A pharmacist tells a customer, 'In order to buy arsenic you need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.'
  • My mother-in-law is banned internationally from playing poker, as she keeps all the chips on her shoulder.
  • Adam and Eve were the happiest, and the luckiest, couple in the world, because neither of them had a mother-in-law.
  • What is the difference between outlaws and in-laws? Outlaws are Wanted. 
  • I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's chamber of horrors and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stocktaking.'
  • Fred and Rick were in a pub. Fred says to his mate, 'My mother-in-law is an angel.'
    Rick replies, 'You're lucky. Mine is still alive.'

Will and Guy's Favourite Mother-in-law Joke

Harry was travelling down a country road in his native Yorkshire, England when he saw a large group of people outside a farmhouse.Favourite mother-in-law joke

It was a cold January afternoon, so he stopped and asked Farmer Giles why such a large crowd of men was gathered there.

The farmer replied, 'Eddie's donkey kicked his mother-in-law and she died.'

'Well,' replied the man, 'She must have had a lot of friends.'

'Nope,' said Giles.' We all just want to buy his donkey.'

Mother-in-law

Give you all hope of peace so long as your mother-in-law is alive.

Juvenal 40-125 AD  (Roman poet)

Short Mother-in-law Jokes

Overheard in a restaurant:
She:
This wine is described as full bodied and imposing with a nutty base, a sharp bite, and a bitter aftertaste.
He: Are you describing the wine or your mother?

Open Door Policy
The doorbell rang this morning. When I opened the door, there was my mother-in-law on the front step.
She said, 'Can I stay here for a few days?'  I said, 'Sure you can.' And shut the door in her face.

Newlywed Surprise
The newlywed wife, Monica, said to her husband , Nick, when he returned from work, 'I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two.'

Nick started glowing with happiness and kissing Monica purred, 'Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world.'

Monica smiled and added, 'I'm glad that you feel that way, Nick, because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us.'

Final Complaint
Tomorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled it.

Paul: I was sorry to hear that your mother-in-law died. What was the complaint?
Phil: We haven't had any yet.

Care for Your Mother-in-law
A man, his wife and his mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away.

The undertaker told them, 'You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for £150.'

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, 'Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to have her buried here and spend only £150?'

The man replied, 'a man died here 2,000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.'

¤

Solomon Delivers Justice to Mother in Law

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. 'This young man agreed to marry my daughter,' said one.

'No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,' said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence.

'Bring me my biggest sword,' said Solomon, 'and I shall hew the young man in half.  Each of you shall receive a half.'

'Sounds good to me,' said the first lady.
But the other woman said, 'Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him.'

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. 'This man must marry the first lady's daughter,' he proclaimed.
'But she was willing to hew him in two!' exclaimed the king's court.

'Indeed,' said wise King Solomon. 'That shows she is the true mother-in-law.'

Mothers

God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers. - A Jewish Proverb

See more mother's jokes

Not A Mother-in-law Joke, A True Story!

An unnamed Englishman man accidentally? left his aged mother-in-law in a ferry port car park, while he and his wife took a day trip on the Dover to Calais ferry.  However, they realised halfway across to France that the mother-in-law was still in the back of the car.  Frankly, Will and Guy blame the wife as much, if not more, than the poor son-in-law.

Port of Dover police received a call asking them to check vehicles in a multi-storey car park for an abandoned old lady.  They duly found the lady, and in true British style gave her a nice cup of tea.  When the couple returned from Calais, in time honoured mother-in-law style she gave them a piece of her mind.

"We all know about mothers-in-law and what a nightmare they can be but this guy took it to the limit," a police source told reporters.  "He'll never live this down and he'll be getting it in the ear from now until the end of time. It was a nightmare for the old dear."

What Will and Guy like about this Mother-in-law saga is that fact is always stranger than fiction.  Furthermore, it is true stories, such as this, that act as seeds for all the related jokes.

Les Dawson had the best mother-in-law joke.

My mother-in-law caused an argument in a pub and half a dozen men set upon her and dragged her to the floor, screaming.  The barman turned to Les and asked "Aren't you going to help?" "Nah!" says Les, "Six should be enough!"

[Kindly sent in by Trevor Warland]

See more mother-in-law jokes.

A Prospective Italian Mother-in-law

Mrs Ravioli comes to visit her son Rocco for dinner; he lives with a female roommate, Maria.  During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Rocco's roommate is.

As the evening went on, MaMa watched the two interact and started to wonder if there was more between Rocco and his roommate than met the eye.  Reading his mom's thoughts, Rocco volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Maria came to Rocco saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So Rocco sat down and wrote this email:

Dear MaMa,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house ; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Your Loving Son
Rocco

.... Several days later, Rocco received this response from his MaMa:

Dear son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Your Loving MaMa

[Footnote, thanks to Joy for sending in this joke]

More Clever, Witty and Funny Mother-in Law JokesPsychic Mother in law

Psychic Mother in law
When Roger came home, his wife, Norma, was crying. 'Your mother insulted me,' she sobbed.

'My mother?' spluttered Roger, 'How could she do that when she is on holiday on the other side of the world?'

'I know.' Norma gulped, 'But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious.'

'And?'

'At the end of the letter it was written:
Dear Norma , When you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son, Roger.'

Murphy's Law?  No.  Mother in law's Choice
Alexis, a young man, excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married.  He tells her, 'Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you must try and guess which one I'm going to marry.'

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Later, he says, 'Okay Mother dear, guess which one I'm going to marry.'

She immediately replies, 'The one on the right.'

'That's amazing, Ma. You're correct. How did you know?'

The mother replies, 'I don't like her.'

My mother-in-law and I were happy for 20 years.
Then we met each other.

 ф

Unwanted Gift
A constantly nagged and harried husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year Christmas came again and this year he didn't buy her any present.

His mother-in-law was upset and asked the son-in-law why was she forgotten this time.

The angry son-in-law responded, 'Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year.'

Help Mother in Law
Louise, a young wife came home one day and found her mother standing in a bucket of water with her finger stuck in the light socket.

Ian, her young husband was standing by the switch.

'Hello, darling,' greeted the mother, 'Ian has had this marvellous idea for curing my rheumatism.'

Did You Know?

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange her letters you get:
WOMAN HITLER

See more funny anagrams »

 

Footnote:
Please send us your funny mother in law jokes.

If you like this page then please share it with your friends

 


Mother knows, grandmother knows better, sisters know even more ....

Mother knows best   • Grandma   • Grandma flying   • Grammy Gordon   • Mother in law jokes

Little old ladies   • No nursing home   • Sisterhood   • Woman jokes   • Parenthood  • Home