Hiking Jokes from Around the World

Countryside JokesWill and Guy's Humour - Hiking Jokes

Here are hiking jokes to tell on the trail, or to exaggerate later at the campsite.

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A Dozen True Complaints Received by Forest Rangers Hiking Jokes

These complaints are of the sort that make Will and Guy laugh, sometime out loud.  You just couldn't make them up; yet, on the other hand the things that people moan about are unbelievable.

  1. A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles.  Is there a way I can get reimbursed?
  2. Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
  3. Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
  4. Found a smouldering cigarette left by a horse.
  5. Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
  6. Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
  7. Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
  8. The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
  9. Need more signs to keep area pristine.
  10. A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead.
  11. Too many rocks in the mountains.
  12. The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.

An Orienteering Funny

An orienteer was running along one day when he came to the narrowest part of the River Severn in England. Seeing another orienteer on the other bank, he called out, 'Hey, how do I get to the other side?'

The other orienteer, who incidentally came from Wales, looked carefully along the bank to the left, then carefully along the bank to the right, thought a bit, then called back, 'You are on the other side.'

¤

The Czech Connection: A Funny Hiking Tale

A lawyer invites his cousin from the Czech Republic to come and stay with him in Canada. The Czech cousin arrives, determined to enjoy himself. Soon they decide to go rambling. They're right out in the middle of the forest when a big grizzly bear appears. The bear hugs the poor Czech cousin to death and then eats him.

The lawyer runs to the nearest village and tells everybody what has happened. The villagers form a search party and return to the forest. They come across some bears and ask the lawyer to identify the one that killed his cousin.

'It's that male bear over there.'

They kill the bear and rip open his stomach, but there is nothing there. They decide to kill the female bear nearby, and when they rip open her stomach, they find the poor Czech cousin.
So it all goes to show: 'Never trust a lawyer when he says the cheque is in the mail.' [check; cheque; Czech]

Hiking Jokes

The Hiker's Rucksack

A group of friends went out rambling one day and decided to pair off in twos for the afternoon. That evening one of them returned alone, staggering under the weight of a heavy rucksack.

'Where's Bertram?' the other ramblers ask.

Bertram's mate, Ronald, replied, 'Bertram must have had a heart attack. He just keeled over and died a couple of miles back up the path.'

The other ramblers gasped and then one of them asked, 'You left Bertram laying out there and carried the rucksack back?'

'It was a difficult decision,' agreed Ronald. 'But I thought that nobody would steal Bertram.'

Funny Hiking Jokes from Bonnie Scotland

  • What comes after two straight days of rain in Fort William?
    Monday morning.
  • How do the locals predict the weather in Fort William?
    If you can see Ben Nevis it's going to rain.
    If you can't see Ben Nevis, it's raining.
  • It only rains twice a year in Fort William.
    October to May and June to September.

Funny, Short, Amusing and Witty Walking, Rambling and Hiking Jokes

Two Girls Hiking and a Bear

Anne and Tara, two hikers on a trail came around the bend to find an enormous brown bear about 85 metres up the trail.

The bear spots the two girls and begins running towards them at a full tilt.

Tara drops her backpack, sits down, throws off her boots, and starts lacing up a pair of running shoes.

Anne says to Tara, 'What are you doing? You will never be able to outrun that bear.'

Tara replies, 'I don't have to outrun the bear...............................'

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Pigs Bowl

Andy was on a walking holiday in the Peak District of England. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink.

The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a little pig running around the kitchen, running up to Andy and giving him a great deal of attention. Andy observed and commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly.

The housewife replied, 'Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using.'

The Ten Best Walking Quotations Found by Will and Guy

  1. You pick 'em up, O Lord, I'll put 'em down. - Author Unknown, "Prayer of the Tired Walker"
  2. We live in a fast-paced society. Walking slows us down. - Robert Sweetgall
  3. The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk. - Jacqueline Schiff
  4. Walking isn't a lost art - one must, by some means, get to the garage. - Evan Esar
  5. People say that losing weight is no walk in the park. When I hear that I think, yeah, that's the problem. - Chris Adams
  6. I have two doctors, my left leg and my right. - G.M. Trevelyan
  7. A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world. - Paul Dudley White
  8. Walking would teach people the quality that youngsters find so hard to learn - patience. - Edward P. Weston.
  9. Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path. - Author unknown
  10. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Albert Camus

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