Funny Wine Jokes

Funny wine jokesWill and Guy's Funny Wine Jokes

I am thinking about having a wine tasting party.
You bring the wine; I'll taste it.  Anon

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Wine Jokes

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Drink and Lay Down, or
Lay Down Drink?Secrets of enjoying wine

Lay down drink

Are You a Wine Enthusiast?

I'm a wine enthusiast, the more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.

Winorexia

No matter how full your glass, you believe it's not full enough.

7-Up: More Drinking Trivia

  1. The world's oldest known recipe - is for beer!
  2. Distilled spirits such as brandy, gin, rum, tequila, contain no carbohydrates, no fats and no cholesterol of any kind.
  3. The word 'toast,' which means wishing good health originated in ancient Rome where a piece of toasted bread was literally dropped into wine.
  4. Most people think that drinking alcohol raises the body temperature. Alcohol actually lowers the body temperature.
  5. In England, in days gone by, a whistle was baked into the rim or handle of ceramic cups used by pub patrons. When they wanted a refill, they used the whistle to get service. So when people went drinking, they would "wet their whistle."
  6. It's impossible to create wine of over 18% alcohol by fermentation alone.
  7. Most vegetable and almost all fruits contain a small amount of alcohol in them.

Wine from a Vending MachineFunny Wine Machine

The French will hate it, but the Americans have invented a new way to sell their wine. Shoppers in the US state of Pennsylvania, have been given the chance to buy their favourite tipple from a wine vending machine. The state has some of the strictest alcohol laws in the country and until now wine has only been sold at state-owned shops.

The machines checks not only the buyer's identification for proof of age but also includes a built-in breathalyser to test sobriety.

A few machines are being tested at supermarkets before more are placed.

A Wife Sends Her Husband to a Grocery Store:

"And don't forget to buy the milk, do you hear me?!"
"I hear you..."

"And take the low fat one, don't mix up!"
"Take it easy, I won't..."

"And don't buy wine instead, like you did the last time, do you remember?!"
"Of course I remember..."

"And no beer, like the time before that, understand?!"
"I do, I do...."

"Well, go then!"

... Ten minutes later in the grocery store:

"What did she tell me to buy - was it wine or beer? Oh, well, I'll better take both, just in case."

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More Funny Wine Jokes

A Good Wife is Hard to Find

Nigel and Trevor, are keen fishermen and wine drinkers; here you can see a photo taken while they are enjoying some night fishing while on holiday, with their wives, in Les Lacs du Verger, France, last year.

Finding a good woman

Slurping a large Ch√Ęteau Mont-Redon, Nigel announces, 'I think I'm going to divorce my wife, she hasn't spoken to me in eighteen months.'

Trevor downs his glass of the red wine thoughtfully and after a while responds, 'Think it over a bit more, Nige; women like that are hard to find.'

The Lord's Miracle?

Father O'Reilly was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'

'Only water', replied Father O'Reilly.

The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'

The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'

Fascinating Trivia and About Drinking

  1. Christopher Columbus brought Sherry on his voyage to the New World.
  2. Abraham Lincoln held a liquor license and operated several taverns.
  3. The national anthem of United States "The Star Spangled Banner," was written to the tune of a drinking song.
  4. Bourbon is the official spirit of the United States, by act of Congress.
  5. Bourbon takes its name from Bourbon County in Kentucky.
  6. The first recruiting station of the US Marines was a bar.
  7. It is estimated that there are 49 million bubbles in a bottle of champagne.
  8. It is illegal to feed alcohol to moose in Alaska and fish in Ohio.
  9. Beer, selling in bottles, began in 1850 and in cans in 1935.
  10. The USA has the highest minimum drinking age in the entire world.
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Amusing Wine Fact

You'll be delighted to know that drinking wine does not make you fat. Will and Guy have discovered that it makes you lean: against tables, chairs, floors, walls and people.

The Bottle of Wine Parable

Huang Chan was a very rich man who was deliberately tough on his farmhand, Wong. Huang Chan gave Wong a bottle and said, 'Buy me a bottle of wine.'

Wong, the poor farmhand enquired, 'How can I buy you wine with no money at all?'
Huang Chan replied disdainfully, 'Anyone can buy wine with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money.'

Time elapsed and Wong eventually returned farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to Huang Chan and murmured, 'Enjoy the wine, please.'

Staring at the empty bottle with some dismay, Huang asked, 'There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?'

Wong replied to Huang Chan, with a straight face, 'Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some.  It takes real skill to enjoy wine when there is none.'

Huang Chan made a choking sound but was unable to utter a word.

 

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