Funny Wine Jokes
I am thinking about having a wine tasting party.
No Problem - Let's Have a Take-away!
No matter how full your glass, you believe it's not full enough.
The French will hate it, but the Americans have invented a new way to sell their wine. Shoppers in the US state of Pennsylvania, have been given the chance to buy their favourite tipple from a wine vending machine. The state has some of the strictest alcohol laws in the country and until now wine has only been sold at state-owned shops.
The machines checks not only the buyer's identification for proof of age but also includes a built-in breathalyser to test sobriety.
A few machines are being tested at supermarkets before more are placed.
A Wife Sends Her Husband to a Grocery Store:
"And don't forget to buy the milk, do you hear me?!"
"And take the low fat one, don't mix up!"
"And don't buy wine instead, like you did the last time, do you
"And no beer, like the time before that, understand?!"
"Well, go then!"
... Ten minutes later in the grocery store:
"What did she tell me to buy - was it wine or beer? Oh, well, I'll better take both, just in case."
More Funny Wine Jokes
Nigel and Trevor, are keen fishermen and wine drinkers; here you can see a photo taken while they are enjoying some night fishing while on holiday, with their wives, in Les Lacs du Verger, France, last year.
Slurping a large Château Mont-Redon, Nigel announces, 'I think I'm going to divorce my wife, she hasn't spoken to me in eighteen months.'
Trevor downs his glass of the red wine thoughtfully and after a while responds, 'Think it over a bit more, Nige; women like that are hard to find.'
The Lord's Miracle?
Father O'Reilly was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'
'Only water', replied Father O'Reilly.
The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'
The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'
Amusing Wine Fact
You'll be delighted to know that drinking wine does not make you fat. Will and Guy have discovered that it makes you lean: against tables, chairs, floors, walls and people.
The Bottle of Wine Parable
Huang Chan was a very rich man who was deliberately tough on his farmhand, Wong. Huang Chan gave Wong a bottle and said, 'Buy me a bottle of wine.'
Wong, the poor farmhand enquired, 'How can I buy you wine with no
money at all?'
Time elapsed and Wong eventually returned farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to Huang Chan and murmured, 'Enjoy the wine, please.'
Staring at the empty bottle with some dismay, Huang asked, 'There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?'
Wong replied to Huang Chan, with a straight face, 'Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine when there is none.'
Huang Chan made a choking sound but was unable to utter a word.
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