Funny Eye Jokes

Will and Guy's Selection of Amusing Optician Jokes and Pictures

Did you hear the joke about the optician who fell into the lens grinder?
He made a spectacle of himself.

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Customer Late for Appointment with Optician

Funny Eye Jokes 

Unusual Short Sighted Problem

Kelvin kept going to the ophthalmist because his left eye hurt. The eye specialist questioned Kelvin. 'Your eye hurts only when you drink tea.  I suggest you can't drink tea.'

Kelvin stuttered, 'But I love tea with two sugars.'

The opthalmist said, 'Okay, then make sure you take the spoon out.' 

Funny Eye TestFunny Eye Test - Polish Jokes

A short Polish immigrant went to the DVLA to apply for a driver's license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.

The optician showed him a card with the letters.  On the bottom row were these letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked.

'Read it?' the Polish guy replied - 'I know the fellow.'

...(vr3)

Special Glasses

John went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and was prescribed glasses.  He asked the doctor if these will I be able to read the newspaper after wearing glasses?"

"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"

"Oh! How nice it would be," said the John with joy, "I have been illiterate all my life so far."

Framed

An old gentleman, whose name was Sidney, thought his eyesight was deteriorating, so he decided to go to see an optometrist and have them tested.

Nelly, the optometrist, speaks to Sidney, saying, 'All right, let's check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and read that chart on the wall over there.' Eye Chart - Funny Medical Joke

Sidney puts his left hand over his left eye. The optometrist says, 'No, no, no. Put your right hand over your right eye.'

Poor old Sidney puts both hands over both eyes.  Nelly is, by now, becoming annoyed.

Sidney continues to do things badly and Nelly becomes angry and says, 'All right, I'll fix you!' she mutters.  She takes a paper bag out of the cupboard, cuts one hole in it, puts it over Sidney's head, and demands, 'Now, read that chart!'

Sidney reads it perfectly. The optometrist takes the bag off, and Sidney begins to cry like a baby. Nelly then barks, 'Now, what's the matter with you?'

'Well,' sobbed Sidney, 'when I first came in here, I had my heart set on wire frames.'

Interesting Optical Illusion

Illusion swirl

Instruction

Focus on the centre of one of the circles.  What happens is that circle stops, but the rest of the swirls keep spinning.

Please note that the above image is not animated.  They are perfectly still.

Ferris Wheel - Another Circle Optical Illusion

Circle optical illusion - Big dipper
¤

This reminds Will and Guy of the London Eye.  It's truly mesmerising the way that the blobs or pin-heads seem to rotate clockwise.  While our brain tells us they are still, our eyes are telling us that there is a circular motion.

New Wonder Glasses

Patient: I am seeing spots before my eyes.

Optometrist: Didn't the new glasses help?

Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

 

Eye Specialist Definitions

Opthalmist: Someone who makes lenses and eyeglasses.

Optometrist: A qualified person who is trained to examine the eyes for visual defects, diagnose problems or impairments, and prescribe corrective lenses.

Ophthalmologist: An eye doctor who deals the eyes, the brain, and the areas around the eye, such as eyelids.

Opticians: Can only fill a prescription for lenses/glasses.

Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases During SurgeryFunny Doctor Quotes

  1. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
  2. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
  3. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
  4. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
  5. ...and could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off
  6. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
  7. Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint.  However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack.
  8. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!  See more doctor jokes

Footnote:
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