Funny Church Signs

Funny Church Signs God is the Potter - Not Harry

He who sits in the heavens shall laugh. - Psalms 2:4

Funny Church Signs

The internet has captured many strange, hilarious and plain funny signs which are placed outside churches, primarily in the USA.

Here, Will and Guy have selected only a few of the best, cleverest and funniest statements to show as photos; further on you will read our favourite ten ridiculous and witty signs which will make you smile or even laugh.

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Fear Not: Salvation is at Hand

Church Salvation

Ten of The Best Witty and Funny Church SignsChurch Salvation

  1. Notice in a church parking lot.  Trespassers will be baptised.
  2. If you can't sleep, don't count sheep.  Talk to the Shepherd.
  3. Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
  4. How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-smoking?
  5. Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily.
  6. No God - No Peace. Know God - Know Peace.
  7. Free Trip to heaven.  Details Inside!
  8. When the restaurant next to a chapel put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the chapel reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
  9. Come work for the Lord.  The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
  10. In the dark? Follow the Son. 
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Baptist or Methodist  : Coffee or ChocolateFunny Church Sign

Churches in America are the most diverse in the world, you even get a choice of refreshment; we have their amusing Church signs.

Church Salvation

America's Joyous Future?God is like Coke - The Real Thing

Joyous message

Thanks to Kristen and Vanessa for the sign outside the Bethel Lutheran Church, Willowick, Ohio

There Again, Don't Let Worries Kill You

     Funny Laws in Alabama

  • It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
  • No person within the city may possess confetti.

Fact is always stranger than fiction, you could not make it up!
Thanks to Hazelle for sending these funny signs.

Church Salvation

If you park here, you are liable to be prayed for.  See more funny parking signs.

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Funny Church SignMore Funny Church Notices

Every time I look at this picture of a church sign it makes me think at a different level.

  • New Ways The Church Reaches Out to People
  • I Look at the Religious Message(s)
  • Guilt!

Two Funny Church Signs that Almost got Away

  • Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
  • Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.

Who Say's The Church is Out-of-date?

More Examples of Church Signs

Check out the Great American Book of Church Signs.  It captures modern day faith on the road.  Each sign reflects the enthusiasm of the local Church.  The book - and the signs themselves - encourage us to live better lives.

Furthermore, Will and Guy love the way each Church sign reminds us to laugh along life's journey.

Short Christian Jokes

Short Christian JokesUnusual Church Sign - "Toot'n Tell or Go to Hell"

Father Brian, an elderly Catholic priest, was speaking to Father Karl, a younger priest, saying, 'You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now.'

Father Karl nods, and the old priest continues, 'And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n' roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the rafters.'

'Thank you, Father Brian,' answers the young priest. 'I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.'

'All of these ideas have been well and good,' comments Father Brian wisely. But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.'

'But, Father Brian,' protests the young Father Karl, 'My confessions have nearly doubled since I began that!'

'Indeed,' replies the elderly priest, 'And I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, "Toot'n Tell or Go to Hell" cannot stay on the church roof.'

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Rehearse The Church Service: A True StoryShort Christian Jokes

At a Methodist wedding ceremony at which Father Brian Hamilton was officiating, he was seen to raise his hand in order to give the final blessing at the end of the service.

Louise, the bride, totally misunderstood this gesture and surprised the vicar with a high-five.

Not wanting to exclude Mark, the groom, Father Brian also offered him a high-five.

Father Brian was eventually able to give the blessing, this time with the laughter of the guests ringing in his ears.

Amusing, Witty, Jokey and Funny Church Signs from the UK

Statistics Don't Lie

How to stay safe in the world today: Where IS the safest place?

1. Avoid riding in automobiles - because they are responsible for 20% of all fatal accidents.

2. Do not stay home - 17% of all accidents occur in the home.

3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks - because 14% of all accidents occur to pedestrians.

4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water - because 16% of all accidents involve these forms of transportation.

5. Of the remaining 33%, 32% of all deaths occur in Hospitals - so, above all else, avoid hospitals.

But . . . you will be pleased to learn that only .001% of all deaths occur in worship services in church, and these are usually related to previous physical disorders.

Therefore, logic tells us that the safest place for you to be at any given point in time is at church!

 And Bible study is safe too! The percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less.

So, attend church, and read your Bible. IT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE!

GOD BLESS YOU!

[Kindly sent by Elena F.]

Short Christian Jokes

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Short Christian Jokes

Church Repeats

The End Is Near?

Ole is the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church, which is just across the road.

One day they join forces and are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which says:

DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW
BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE! Funny Bridges

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, "Leave people alone, you Skandihoovian religious nuts!"

From the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.

Shakin' his head, Rev. Ole says "Dat's da terd one dis mornin'."

"Yaa," Pastor Sven agrees, then asks, "Do ya tink maybe da sign should yust say, 'Bridge Out?'" 

One More Funny Chapel Sign

Short Christian Jokes

Footnote:
Please send us your funny Church signs.

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Short Christian jokes   • Clean religious jokes   • Pope jokes   • Funny Church signs

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