Funny Canadian Jokes
Canadian humour mirrors the nature of this crisp, cool and beautiful country.
Will and Guy have decided to include Canadian humour to balance our other funny pages which laugh at the Americans, Australians, Irish as well as the English.
This is what Jeff Foxworthy (King of the Redneck jokes) had to say about Canadians at his recent appearance at Ceasars Windsor
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May,
You may also live in Canada if:
Canadian jokes kindly sent in by Cheryl Lohr.
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Arnie stops him and asks, 'Hey Bill, whatcha got that case of beer for?'
'Well, I got it for my wife, you see?' answers Bill.
'Wow!' exclaims Arnie, 'Great trade.'
A Canadian couple was strolling through Hyde Park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton.
The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said, 'Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians.'
'Indeed we are,' replied the Canadian gentleman.
'Well,' replied the Canadian gentleman, 'one of the bars stands for the courage and hardiness of our people in settling the cold expanses and broad prairies of our country. The other is for the honesty and integrity for which Canadians are known.'
The Brit mulled this over and nodded. Having poor eyesight at his advanced age, and not being familiar with maple leaves, he then asked, 'And what's that six-pointed item in the middle of your flag?'
'Oh, that's to remind us of the six words of our national motto,' the Canadian lady piped up.
The Brit then asked, 'And what are those six words?'
The National emblem of a maple leaf and has been associated with Canada since the 1700's.
The New Canadian Tax Form
Canada's T1 Tax Return Form [New Simple Format]
1. How much money did you make? $___,_____,_____
2. Send it to us.
Moose Hunter Wanted
When Canada Was Created
On the sixth day God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said, 'Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty; it shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, and beautiful sparkly lakes bountiful with carp and trout. There shall be forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon.'
God continued, 'I shall make the land rich in oil so to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth.'
'But Lord,' responded Gabriel, 'don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?'
'No, not really.' God replied..........'Just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them.'
What is a Canadian?
A Canadian is a fellow wearing English tweeds, a Hong Kong shirt and Spanish shoes, who sips Brazilian coffee sweetened with Philippine sugar from a Bavarian cup while nibbling Swiss cheese, sitting at a Danish desk over a Persian rug, after coming home in a German car from an Italian movie...
And then writes to his Member of Parliament with a Japanese ballpoint pen on French paper, demanding that he do something about foreigners taking away our Canadian jobs.
Immediately after George W Bush's election victory in November 2004, Canadian immigration authorities experienced a six-fold increase in inquiries from US citizens - from 20,000 to 115,000 a day.
More Canada Fun Facts and Trivia
Situated on the America / Canada border, the Niagara Falls often get snow, but it's extremely rare for it to be cold enough for the falls to freeze. Sadly the phenomenon is never likely to happen again, partly because of global warming and partly due to man-made dam to control the flow. To be accurate, it was the American falls that froze and not the larger Horseshoe falls, also at Niagara.
Nevertheless, we are impressed by these frozen snow pictures with their giant icicles. Incidentally the Niagara is an American Indian word meaning 'Strait'.
An old Canadian sailor from HMCS Sackville and an American Gunbunny were sitting in the Duke of Buckingham pub arguing about who'd had the tougher career.
'I did 30 years in the 29th Field Artillery', the American declared proudly, 'and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. 'As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. 'Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a fire-fight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!'
'Ah', said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, 'lucky Gunbunny, all shore duty, huh?'
Seen in a department store in Vancouver, Canada:
Bargain Basement Upstairs.
Thanksgiving Day is celebrated on the second Monday in October in Canada.
Father Christmas has his own personal zip code [postcode]; it is the alphanumeric number: H0H 0H0. (Ho-Ho-Ho) In this way people who write to Santa know that their letter will arrive safely. It has been his personal code since 1982 and Will and Guy have learned that this address receives some 1 million letters from all over the world each year. Apparently, each letter received will be answered in the same language in which it is written, which, on its own must be a mammoth task.
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