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Funny Advice From Children

Will and Guy's Humour - Advice From Children

An amusing selection of 'Out of the mouthes of babes'.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Armir, 9.

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Funny Advice From Children - Top 10

  1. Never trust a dog to watch your food. - Patrick, 10.
  2. Never tell your mom her diet's not working. - Michael, 14.
  3. Don't pull dad's finger when he tells you to. - Emily, 10.
  4. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. - Taylia, 11.
  5. Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment. - Traci, 14.
  6. Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time. - Kyoyo, 9.
  7. Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick. - Lauren, 9.
  8. Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. - Joel, 10.
  9. When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. - Alyesha, 13.
  10. Never try to baptize a cat. - Eileen, 8.

Watch Your GrammarOut of the Mouths of Babes

A little girl opened the door to her teacher.
'Are your parents in?' asked the teacher.

'They was in', said the little girl, 'but they is out now.'
'They WAS in! They IS out!' exclaimed the teacher, 'Where's your grammar?'

'Oh, she's in the front room watching the telly.'

Children's Advice on Love

  • When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy age 4.
  • Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Karl age 5.
  • Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissie age 6.Children's Advice on Love
  • Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri age 4.
  • Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny age 7.
  • Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day. Noelle age 7.
  • Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy age 6.
  • Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann age 4.

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More Funny Children's Opinions

Malcolm, who was 9 years old, was asked in his Environmental Studies lesson at New Street School, to write a short essay for homework on the effect of oil pollution.

So Malcolm wrote: 'When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead.' 

Children's Answers at School

Teacher: Name one of the Roman's greatest achievements.
Joe: To learn Latin.

Teacher: What did "Free press" mean in that passage.
Answer: When your mother irons your skirt for you on the landing.

Bertie comes home from his first day at school.
Mother asks, 'What did you learn today?'
Bertie replies, 'Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.'

 Meals on Wheels

Paula worked for 'meals-on-wheels'.  One afternoon she took her daugher Tina with her as delivered the lunches to the elderly. Tina was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the walking sticks, triangular walkers and the wheelchairs. 

When they visited Mrs Evans Paula found Tina staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As she prepared himself for the inevitable barrage of questions, Tina merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy is never going to believe this.'

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