4 Years Of Age - My daddy can do anything. 8 Years Of Age - My
dad knows a lot. 12 Years Of Age - My father doesn't really know
quite everything. 14 Years Of Age - Naturally, father doesn't know that,
either. 16 Years Of Age - Father? he's hopelessly old-fashioned. 18
Years Of Age - That old man? She's way out of date. 25 Years Of Age -
Well, he might know a little bit about it. 35 Years Of Age - Before we
decide, let's get dad's opinion. 45 Years Of Age - Wonder what dad would
have thought about it. 65 Years Of Age - Wish, I could talk it over with
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house, 4 inches deep.
A 3-year old boy's
voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh'
already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old
man says they can only do it in the movies.
will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
Super glue is forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a
swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
Garbage bags do not make good
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
You probably DO NOT want to know what that odour is.
The fire department in Austin, Texas has a 5-minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Ponder This ....
Question: On which day of the year are the most collect calls*?
Answer: On Father's Day.
* Reverse charge phone calls in the UK
Father: A banker provided by nature.
In 1912, Country Life wrote that 'few words come to convey so beautiful a
meaning as that of "Gentleman".'
English gentleman never shows-off. Any blatant self-promotion would
immediately disqualify one from being a gentleman. In this
respect becoming a gentleman is rather like the reverse of Groucho Marx
quote: 'I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member'.
However, down the years English gentlemen have exhibited surprising and
amusing behaviour. I was astonished to read that Edwardian
gentlemen circa 1905 had a penchant for tattoos, I was amused to discover
that a partridge was their favorite motif. Apparently, these gentlemen
had a shot of cocaine to ease the pain of the tattooist's needle.
Moving forward two decades, I spotted this advice on crocodile shooting
etiquette, 'No compunction need be felt in shooting crocodiles, for where so
common it is a constant worry to the natives'. As Algeron pointed out
to me, no gentlemen would ever read a books on etiquette, they just absorbed
how to behave by osmosis from
the gentry who came to their stately homes.
Talking of hunting, Oscar Wilde summed up country gentleman galloping
after a fox as:-
"The unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable".
What caught my in Mark Hedges recent article published in the times was
this: 'No gentlemen would ever wear pink socks'. An idea that I
beseech the women in my life to extend to shirts and even cardigans.
Mark Hedges finishes with this wonderful anecdote, which distils the
essence of an English gentleman. A member of a club in London posted a
notice on the board demanding that the nobleman who stole his umbrella at
once return it. When a fellow member asked how he knew that the
culprit was a noblemen he replied: "Sir, the rules of this club state that
it is for noblemen and gentlemen. And no gentleman would have taken my
Regarding the use of the apostrophe, our logic is that we
remember one's Father, thus Father's Day. In British English, as opposed to
American English, it's also possible for a group of people to celebrate their
While this usage of the apostrophe is grammatically correct in England, it's
not in common usage.
Footnote: Please send us your Father's Day
jokes and funny stories.
If you like this page then please share it with your friends