Funny Cow Pictures and Stories
Will and Guy's collection of amusing items featuring cows and few bulls.
What do you call cattle with a sense of humour? Laughing stock!
Cow Wash in England
Amusing True Cow Story
English dairy farmers keep their cows happy and productive by giving them regular brush-ups in the cow wash. They fit the over-sized brush to their milking sheds, thus keeping the cows clean and content.
A DeLeval spokesman claimed that brushing improved the cows' blood circulation, which in turn boosted milk production by 3.5%.
'Daisy 153' looks to be purring with pleasure!
Oh Dear, Cow Stuck in a Pylon
Short Cow Joke
What was the male calf doing in the corner of the field with his eyes closed?
Practicing his bull-dozin'
The RSPCA was called to rescue the heifer called 'Spinner' from a field at Higher Fraddon, St Columb, Cornwall, England. The cow had to be freed after getting her head stuck in a fly-tipped washing machine drum.
The lucky cow escaped injury after her ordeal; but the animal charity warned today that fly tipping can cause animals harm. 'It is one of the more unusual things we had had to rescue an animal from,' said RSPCA spokeswoman Jo Barr. 'Young cows are quite curious, and she probably thought there was some food inside the drum,' she added.
A member of the public spotted the frustrated 'Spinner' trying to free herself from the metal drum. RSPCA inspector David Hobbs rescued the heifer, and she has since returned to her herd unharmed.
Lesson: Keep your nose out of things that do not concern you.
The Last Word From Spinner:
Members of the public spotted the bullock with its head in the ladder. An animal charity has rescued an animal in South Ayrshire, Scotland, which had got its head stuck in a ladder Will and Guy can reveal.
Members of the public called the Scottish SPCA [Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] after spotting the bewildered beast in a field beside the Troon to Barassie road recently.
An inspector contacted the farmer who owned the Belgian Blue bullock and helped return it to the herd unharmed. The farmer, who owns the bull, told Will and Guy that he had no idea how the ladder came to be in the field.
A Sussex policeman has been hospitalised after being attacked by a herd of young tearaways. In this case, the violent gang consisted of 50 cows. Inspector Chris Poole received four broken ribs and a punctured lung after the normally docile animals butted and stamped on him when he was out walking his dog on the South Downs. One angry cow charged him in the back, forcing him to the ground, before the others members of the herd joined in.
Mr Poole said he only managed to escape when Zak, his faithful golden retriever, ran away and the cows chased after it. Inspector Poole then managed to attract the attention of another dog walker, who called for an air ambulance.
Short Cow Jokes
True Life Cow Humour
My husband and I were watching the western movie: "Chisholm".
The evil lawmen are shooting innocent men, instead of bringing them to trial; Chisholm arrives, to prevent a massacre; he brings men on horseback and a herd of cattle, which ploughs through the town, causing dust, the sound of pounding hooves and loud mooing ....
I ask my husband: "Are they providing a diversion?"
"Yes. But they are COW ACTORS. They GET PAID."
I start to visualise the audition process. "Can you run fast, and moo loudly? Sorry, you are not mooing loud enough Cow No. 44. Next ..."
Bovine Actor of the Year:
Bovine Actress of the year:
Incidentally, she was better than all the udders.
[Kindly sent in by June Faulding]
Two west country yokels were on the train heading homewards through Somerset, England when one of them noticed some cows.
'What a lovely bunch of cows.' he remarked.
'Heard of what?'
'Of course I've heard of cows.'
'No, a cow herd.'
'What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow.'
Short Cow Jokes
Two cows, Daisy and Ermintrude were chatting over the fence between their fields. Daisy speaks first, 'I tell you, this mad cow disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Thomas's Farm.'
Ermintrude looks up and replies, 'I'm not worried in the slightest, it doesn't affect us chickens.'
More Cow Humour
How to get your cow to market. And they say that dogs look like their owners.....
A carload of hunters, on holiday, were looking for a place to hunt, pulled into a farmer's yard in County Waterford, Ireland. The driver, Brannagh, went up to the farmhouse to ask permission to hunt on the farmer's land.
The old farmer said, 'Sure you can hunt, but would you be doing me a favour? That old donkey standing over there is 20 years old and sick with cancer, but I don't have the heart to kill her. Would you do it for me?'
Brannagh replied, 'Of course I will,' and strolled back to the car.
While walking back, however, Brannagh decided to play a trick on his hunting friends. He got into the car and when they asked if the farmer had said if it was alright, he said, 'No, we can't hunt here, but I'm going to teach that old fellow a lesson he won't forget.'
With that, the Irishman rolled down his window, stuck his gun out and shot the donkey. As he shouted, 'To be sure, that will teach him,' a second shot rang out from the passenger side and one of his hunting mates yelled, 'And me, begorrah, I got the cow.'
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