Jokes - Mathematics of Marriage

Marriage and Wedding Jokes

A light hearted look at marriage and romance. Suitable wedding jokes to incorporate into your speech.

The oldest recorded exchange of wedding rings can be traced to ancient Egypt, about 4,500 years ago.

Mathematics of Marriage

1. Smart man + smart woman = romance
2. Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy
3. Dumb man + smart woman = affair
4. Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage
5. Smart boss + smart employee = profit
6. Smart boss + dumb employee = production
7. Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
8. Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

More Mathematics of Marriage

In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.  Johann von Neumann

Who Is There?

Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting older. One said, 'Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich'.

The second lady chimed in, 'Yes, sometimes I find myself standing on the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.'

The third one responded, 'Well, I am glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood, 'as she rapped her knuckles on the table.  She looked up and said, 'That must be the door, I'll get it!'

Some Psychology

A man will pay \$2 for a \$1 item he needs.
A woman will pay \$1 for a \$2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

More Maths of Marriage

They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.

As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

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Question: Why do women live longer than men?

Answer: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Classic Wedding Jokes from Best Man Speeches

1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
2. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
3. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
4. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't .
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

True Marriage Story

Man forced to marry four wives in six months

A Saudi man is in hospital after his divorced parents forced him to marry four times within six months. The battle began when the father insisted the boy should marry a girl from his side of the family.  The mother retaliated by ordering him to wed a girl from her side, reports Arab News quoting Al-Watan daily. But the father wasn't happy with the balance of power and insisted on a third wife from his side, to show who was boss.

The mother, not to be outdone, then demanded that her son include another wife from her side of the family.  The son has now been admitted to a hospital for psychological treatment.  He is refusing to see his parents or his wives.

Perhaps this is not a wedding joke to incorporate in your speech!

There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?' All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'  Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember.  The women were then told to take their cellphones and send the following text: I love you, sweetheart.

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.

Here are ten of the replies:

1. Who is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?
3. I love you too.
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time.
7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
8. Am I dreaming?
9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
10. I asked you not to drink anymore. I'll leave if you are tired of me.

When asked if there was anything they would have changed about one of the most romantic moments of their lives, several women said a 'bigger diamond!'

• 54% of men still get down on one knee.
• 44% of men ask their partner's father for permission to marry.
• 57% of men cry when she said yes.
• 65% of women say he could have put more effort and preparation into the proposal.
• 25% of couples wait longer than five years before taking their relationship that step further.
• 23% of women have been proposed to more than once.
• See our Pi jokes.

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